In my whole fangirl life, there is one thing that I regret,
being a new fan to a group who has existed even before I was born.
I really feel that I'm born in the wrong generation although that can be an exaggeration.
Everytime I look at those snaps, pictures, gifs, vids, etc. of previous Arashi dramas, movies, shows, sitcoms and etc, I feel sad. It reminds me of how much I'm missing as a fan. I want to see it in my own eyes on how their personalities changes. From a gawky Jun to a DoS Jun to a more composed Jun, it hurts so much. And it is such a pity and shame that I only know them from those because of fanfics, blogs, fb comments, through the pov of other people. And the pain, it stabs directly to heart, leaving a scar engraved in my soul. Arashi has grown beyond my eyes. I want to see them from the ground, slowly achieving their dreams, slowly touching the sky. But, of course, I became a full-pledge fan on their 15th anniversary. It isn't odd right?
I know that no one may understand what I am feeling right now. I am not an updated fan. My internet is slow, my pc is crap, the download links are dead, Uncle Johnny is strict, Youtube immediately banish arashi shows, few co-fangirl friends, school, research paper that i am currently doing right now, my stupid mind who is overreacting, and many, many more that I could complain and blame to this harsh reality.
I couldn't even believe that I had managed to sew up bunch of words and all i want to say is I WANT TO WATCH OLD ARASHI SHOWS!!!!
Of course I can't do it. I don't have time, school is top priority, no one will care, no source, no English subbed videos, I can't understand Japanese, they are uploaded long, long time ago so links are dead and so much more that I could fall into an endless labyrinth and I’m still saying unending mantra about my f*cked up reasons.
I am tired of learning arashi through commentaries, post and fanfictions. I want to see it myself, witness it personally.
They are so cute, dorky, crazy, funny and all words that I could entangle to perfectly describe their personalities in their old shows. Arashi has changed, sure they might still be idiots, dorks and whatever you call them but now, they are more mature, composed, observant and adult. Sure they are still fun to watch but I want to see them from before because I am sure that I am missing a lot. A LOT.
So how could i say this, hmm those shows that they are doing when I was just a little kid, literally, like I was just running in the room at that time and all I ever think is my snack for the recess or learning basic English and my favorite cartoon show Mr. Bean. I am what at that time, a first-grader or maybe a second grader. For pete's sake! My mom is 1 year and 19 days older than oh-chan. and I am inlove with that man. I can remember the time where I booed at HanaDan that was currently airing in GMA just because it came from that channel and I am a solid Kapamilya and I think that they are just copying Meteor Garden! I want to cry seriously. And i can also remember the intro of ProDai that I always anticipate to watch in GMA for some unknown reasons. And I was amazed by the first time I watched Prodai months and months ago because my old treasured memory flickered right through my eyes.
Why can't i turn back the time and watch Arashi shows! AHH!
So okay, this is enough. Enough with my annoying monologue.